On Borrowed Light No More!
“Borrowed light is reflected light. As the moon borrows light from the sun, children borrow light from their parents to help them understand their inner world and to help them process and integrate feelings they have in relationship with the outside world. They borrow light to feel seen, affirmed, validated regarded as good and worthy of connection.
I was born and raised in Germany and I remember something big happened, when I found out about the Holocaust during adolescence. I lost faith in people and myself. No longer thought that we are good and no longer believed in authority. Following outer direction started to feel dangerous and impossible to me.
The You I wanted to get to know and learn to love. Gone. The Me I wanted to get to know and learn to love. Gone. We weren’t there anymore. Not in an authentic way. Hiding felt more authentic. It felt safer than staying authentically connected and engaged.
Over time, hiding wasn’t working. It felt lonely and I wanted to open my heart more again. It started happening with poets and mystics I felt drawn to, because their lives and work deeply moved me. They helped open my eyes and heart. I could feel myself in the presence of people’s (and my own) worst and best selves without feeling devastated and disempowered. Through unifying eyes, I could stay connected with the Light that sustains us. The Light in all: parts of self and people that believe and/or don’t believe in this and/or that; believers AND non-believers, all are extensions of the same Soul.
I wrote “On Borrowed Light No More!” because the Jewish mystical story of the Zohar about the sun and the moon was instrumental in helping me understand my attachment/abandonment wound.; what it took to heal my relationships with people who wounded me and what it takes to say Yes to maintaining a sense of self and identity when it gets emotionally intense in relationships? It takes taking responsibility and relying on guidance from within.
Instead of waiting for another to acknowledge, affirm and validate my place and to understand where I am coming from, I gave myself permission to stand in Light and let myself experience the Soul flow through me. I imagined Her flowing through everybody simultaneously—affirming and validating the existence of every living thing, leading me here.
Searching for what connects us people, I came to believe that each person’s psychological and spiritual journey is not unlike the journey of the moon and the journey of Jesus. Whether we are believers or nonbelievers, we all are called to heal our wounds, forgive those who wounded us and acknowledge that we were created wound-able in the first place.
I believe that we can land in a place where all parts and people can live and thrive. In Soulful Relating, we call this place Soul’s Dwelling—auf deutsch Seelenbleibe or Bleibe.
If you’ve felt abandoned or misguided by attachment figures and/or have struggled with a love addiction….if you are still trying to borrow light from others, waiting for them to validate you and give you permission to be yourself, please learn more about the Light that’s woven into the fabric of creation and how to practice standing and walking in that Light.
“On Borrowed Light No More!” is meant to inspire standing in your inner Light. It is meant to allow you (and others with you) to self-differentiate and, at the same time, to belong. If Spirit moves you, please download the booklet for $4.95 here.
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